For the one waiting

# You are the one staying

Everything on this site written for the person on the outside — the wife, husband, parent, or adult child who is now responsible for a great deal more than they were last year. Your problems are different from theirs, they last longer, and almost nobody addresses them at all.

Looking for the material written for your person instead? That is [the other half](/going-in).

Read this first

## The one thing that explains the rest

The Bureau of Prisons will not proactively tell you anything. Not when your person moves, not when the release date changes, not when something goes wrong. Every piece of information you get, you will have gone and found.

That is the operating condition for the next several years. Once you accept it, most of what is on this page is just method.

How this fits together

## Three depths, not three topics

The checklists, the FAQ, and the guide cover a lot of the same ground on purpose. They are not sequential and you are not meant to read all three. The checklists tell you what matters most and what it costs to get wrong. The FAQ answers a specific question in a paragraph. The guide explains the reasoning underneath both, in the order things will actually happen.

Most people arrive in a panic with one question, get it answered, and come back for the long version later. That is the right way to use this.

Ten minutes

## Start here if you have no time

If they are reporting soon and you read nothing else on this site, read this.

### [The family checklists](/for-families/checklist)

Thirty things you have to get right, ranked by what getting them wrong costs. Before they go, while they're in, and as they come home. Three parts, ten minutes.

One question

## Look something up

Over a hundred questions families actually sent me, grouped so you can find yours.

### [The family FAQ](/for-families/faq)

Where they are, mail, visiting, money, phones, the release date, when something goes wrong, kids, you, and coming home. Ten sections, tagged where the answer is something I watched rather than lived.

The long version

## Read it through, in order

One guide, twelve parts, running from before they report to after they are home.

### [The family guide](/for-families/guide)

Mail, visiting, money, phone and messages, the release date, the halfway house push, working the system, when something goes wrong, your own life, and coming home. The halfway house section is the one that changes outcomes; if you read one part, read that.

Whatever you read

## The five you will keep coming back to

Not written for families specifically, but this is where families spend the most time.

### [Time calculator](/resources/time-calculator)

How long they will actually serve. It is the math nobody does for you at sentencing.

### [The facility guide](/resources/facilities)

Visiting rules, photo rules, mail, and how the specific place they are at actually runs.

### [Lockdown alerts](/lockdown-alerts/subscribe)

One email when visiting stops at a facility you watch, one when it lifts. So you do not drive four hours to a locked door.

### [Support groups, by facility](/resources/support-groups)

The Facebook groups run by spouses and moms. The best intel about any specific prison lives here.

### [Program statements](/resources/program-statements)

The Bureau's own rulebook. Quoting policy back at staff is most of how you get answers.

Before you pay anyone

## Two warnings worth ten minutes

Families get sold these constantly, usually in the first weeks, usually when they are least able to evaluate them.

Bogus
### [Paying non-lawyers for legal work](/resources/non-lawyer-legal-work)

The truth about "case reviews," motion templates, and the people selling them.

Bogus
### [Paying to get to XYZ facility](/resources/facility-placement)

Nobody can get them designated to a specific prison. Here's how designation actually works.

## Still stuck?

These pages cover the general case. Yours will have details they don't. Email me the question. **Answers are free** , and "you don't need to pay anyone for this" is my most common answer.

[josh@federalprisondude.com](mailto:josh@federalprisondude.com?subject=Family%20question)

I answer in the order received, usually within a couple of days. I have a day job. If your situation genuinely needs more than an email, I take a limited number of consults, so say so and we'll work it out.