For families

# Visiting

Visits are the best thing you can give your person and the process for arranging them is deliberately slow.

The list

## Getting approved

They initiate it. They submit your name to their case manager (the staffer who controls your release date), the institution sends a visitor questionnaire, you complete it and return it, and then a background check runs.

Complete it accurately and completely. Omissions read as concealment and are the usual reason for denial. A criminal record does not automatically disqualify you, but it complicates approval, and prior incarceration generally requires additional authorization.

Expect weeks. Sometimes longer. Starting this after they arrive rather than before is the reason many families lose their first few months of visits.

The calendar

## Scheduling

Visits are allocated by a points system, with weekend days typically costing more than weekdays. Some facilities require advance scheduling and some do not. Both the schedule and the allocation are facility-specific.

The door

## Dress code

This is where people are turned away at the door after driving six hours, and it is entirely preventable.

Do not wear anything that resembles what inmates or staff wear — khaki, olive, and grey are commonly prohibited outright. Avoid denim at facilities that restrict it. No revealing clothing of any kind, which is interpreted conservatively: no sheer fabric, no low necklines, no short skirts, no leggings as pants, no sleeveless tops. No hats. Closed-toe shoes.

Underwire bras set off metal detectors and have ended visits before they started. Wear something else.

**When in doubt, dress like you are appearing in court in front of a judge who dislikes you.**

Your pockets

## What you can bring in

Almost nothing. Identification, your car key, and a limited amount of money for vending machines, usually in coins or a clear container. Everything else goes in a locker outside. Phones stay in the car.

The rules inside

## Physical contact

A brief embrace and kiss at the beginning and end of the visit. Hand-holding above the table during, at most facilities. Seating is assigned and you do not move it.

Officers will end a visit over contact violations, and they will not warn you twice.

The kids

## Children

They have to be on the approved list like anyone else, and a birth certificate is often required. They must stay with you. Some visiting rooms have a children's area and some do not.

Bring a child if the child wants to come. Do not bring a child to make them feel better.

The room

## The visit itself

The first one is harder than either of you expects. They will look different. The room is loud, fluorescent, and full of other families having the same conversation. Neither of you will say what you planned to say.

It gets substantially easier the second time.

The visiting rules, annotated: [Program Statement 5267.09](/resources/program-statements/5267-09-visiting-regulations). When visiting is suspended at their facility, [the alert service](/lockdown-alerts/subscribe) emails you before you drive.

Keep reading — part 5 of 12

### [Money](/for-families/guide/money)

Getting money to them is the easy half. What it gets spent on, and what gets taken out before they see it, is the half nobody explains.

**Need help with this? Just ask.**

These pages cover the general rules. Your situation has details they don't. Email me a question. **Answers are free** , and "you don't need to pay anyone for this" is my most common answer.

[josh@federalprisondude.com](mailto:josh@federalprisondude.com?subject=Family%20question)

I answer in the order received, usually within a couple of days. I have a day job. If your situation genuinely needs more than an email, I take a limited number of consults, so say so and we'll work it out.