For families

# Your life

The guides written for them are about surviving a defined period. Yours is not defined and nobody is checking on you.

The circle

## Who you tell

You will discover quickly that this information changes how people treat you, and that some relationships do not survive it. You are allowed to decide who gets to know. You are not obligated to explain your family's situation to anyone.

The isolation is the hardest part for most families, harder than the money, and it compounds because the natural response is to withdraw further.

The kids

## Children

Age-appropriate honesty holds up better than a cover story, mostly because cover stories collapse and the collapse is worse than the truth would have been.

School counselors can be a real support and are generally discreet. Children of incarcerated parents are a recognized population with actual resources attached, and you are not the first family in your district.

Let the child decide about visits. Some want to go every time. Some cannot handle it. Both are fine.

The crash

## The whiplash

Good visits and good calls are followed by a hard crash, for both of you. This is universal and nearly nobody mentions it, which leaves people thinking there is something wrong with them.

Plan something for after a visit. Do not drive six hours home alone with it if you can avoid it.

The grapevine

## Where to get information

Facility-specific family groups on social media are genuinely useful for logistics — what the mailroom is rejecting this month, how long visiting approval is taking, what the visiting room is actually like.

They are also full of people selling consulting services and people repeating things that are not true. Take the logistics, verify anything that matters against the handbook, and ignore the sales.

A vetted starting point: [the support group directory](/resources/support-groups).

Keep reading — part 12 of 12

### [Coming home](/for-families/guide/coming-home)

People expect the last stretch to be the easy part. It is frequently the hardest.

**Need help with this? Just ask.**

These pages cover the general rules. Your situation has details they don't. Email me a question. **Answers are free** , and "you don't need to pay anyone for this" is my most common answer.

[josh@federalprisondude.com](mailto:josh@federalprisondude.com?subject=Family%20question)

I answer in the order received, usually within a couple of days. I have a day job. If your situation genuinely needs more than an email, I take a limited number of consults, so say so and we'll work it out.