Federal prison FAQ # Sex, loneliness, and the body The fear almost everyone arrives with, and the questions nobody wants to ask out loud. Both answered plainly, because the television version is wrong. The fear ## The one everybody arrives with ### Am I going to get raped? Almost certainly not. This is the fear nearly everyone arrives with and it is mostly a product of television. It is not what a federal low is. You should still know that PREA — the Prison Rape Elimination Act — exists, that every facility is required to have a reporting process, and that it is posted. You will very likely never need it. ### What if someone hits on me? Up to you, but it is best not to attract that kind of attention. I went with it and gave gentle pushback. That worked. The practical part ## What actually goes on ### Where do I go to take care of that? The shower. Not in front of your cellie, and never anywhere staff can see you. That is indecent exposure and it is a shot (a disciplinary write-up). ### Is there sex in there? Yes. Consensual, and very privately. ### Can I get porn? No. Compound pictures exist. The reason it is a flat no rather than a facility preference is statutory: the Bureau cannot spend appropriated funds distributing sexually explicit material, so publications get rejected on the way in. [PS 5266.11, Incoming Publications](/resources/program-statements/5266-11-incoming-publications) is the mechanism. ### Can I have a relationship with someone in there? It happens all the time. High drama, universally. ### What about staff? Does that happen? Yes. [Here is a federal indictment of a correctional officer at the facility I was at](https://www.justice.gov/usao-ndil/pr/federal-indictment-charges-thomson-prison-correctional-officer-engaging-sexual-acts). I was there with those inmates, and that same officer once asked me if I wanted to work in the kitchen. Note which way that runs. There is no version of this where the inmate comes out ahead, and it is worth reading alongside [can I be friends with a CO](/going-in/faq/staff#friends-with-a-co). ### How do people handle being celibate for years? No answer yet People ask me this constantly and I do not have an answer I would stand behind. I did eighteen months, which is not years, and what worked for me was mostly not thinking about it. If you know the answer to this one, [send it to me](mailto:josh@federalprisondude.com?subject=FAQ%20answer) and I will write it up and credit nobody, which is how everyone seems to prefer it. If it applies to you ## Gay and trans inmates ### What if I'm gay or trans? Socially, expect to be sorted in with the sex offender (convicted of a sex crime; bottom of the pecking order) population regardless of what your offense actually is. That is not a Bureau designation and it is not a rule anyone wrote down. It is how the population sorts itself. It is unfair and it is what happens. Practically, it means the coexistence rules apply to you rather than being something you observe about other people. [The low security guide covers what those actually look like](/going-in/security-levels/at-a-low). Separately: the Bureau has policy governing housing and programming for inmates with gender dysphoria — [PS 5260.01](/resources/program-statements/5260-01-management-of-inmates-with-gender-dysphoria) — and PREA protections apply. Those are real and worth knowing about. They also do not change the social dynamic above. Next section — part 4 of 16 ### [Drugs and contraband](/going-in/faq/drugs-and-contraband) What is available, what it costs you, and what happens when it lands on you. Prison is not the rehab facility society seems to think it is. For your people ## Hand the rest of this site to your family You will not be able to look things up once you're inside. They can, and this is where: [everything written for the one waiting](/for-families) — a twelve-part guide to mail, visiting, money, and your release date, plus their own FAQ and checklist. Alongside it, a [guide to every facility](/resources/facilities) with [email alerts when visiting stops](/lockdown-alerts/subscribe), the [support group directory](/resources/support-groups), calculators for your release math, and [free answers](/contact) when they have questions. Send them the link before you report, not after they can't reach you. **Need help with this? Just ask.** These pages cover the general rules. Your situation has details they don't. Email me a question. **Answers are free** , and "you don't need to pay anyone for this" is my most common answer. [josh@federalprisondude.com](mailto:josh@federalprisondude.com?subject=FAQ%20question) I answer in the order received, usually within a couple of days. I have a day job. If your situation genuinely needs more than an email, I take a limited number of consults, so say so and we'll work it out.