# Federal prison advice from a _dude_ who did it

I'm a white-collar offender who spent time in federal prison. The statute of limitations of my feelings has not run out, so here I am.

I've been through it all: Fed agents smashed through my door at 6AM, and then I did time in jail pre-trial. I surrendered to the marshals (reporting to prison voluntarily), was cuffed on con-air (the federal system that transports inmates), did a month in the SHU (solitary), lost access to my TRULINCS (the inmate email/phone/money system, all monitored), had my FSA (the 2018 law behind earned time credits) fucked up, almost crashed out of a halfway house (the halfway house before release), did house arrest (finishing a sentence at home under monitoring), and I'm now on supervised release (post-prison supervision; not parole).

**[I answer questions for free](https://federalprisondude.com/contact).** I also write guides on how a [given prison operates](https://federalprisondude.com/resources/federal-prisons), [how to thrive inside](https://federalprisondude.com/going-to-federal-prison/what-it-is-really-like), and [a whole lot more](https://federalprisondude.com/resources). I try to make the world's shittiest experience a little more bearable. [Paid consults exist](https://federalprisondude.com/federal-prison-consultant) for people who need more than an answer. Most people don't.

## Which side of this are you on?

I've written for those incarcerated (future, present, and past) and those who aren't. The two situations have almost nothing in common. The person inside has a fixed stretch to get through. Everyone else has no end date at all. Each side gets a quick version, a searchable FAQ, and a complete examination of their circumstance.

### [If your name was on a docket](https://federalprisondude.com/going-to-federal-prison)

Checklists, answered questions, and guides for before you go, while you're in, and after you get out.

### [If somebody you know is going](https://federalprisondude.com/federal-prison-for-families)

Checklists, answered questions, and a long guide to the side of this your loved one never sees.

If you think you're [under investigation and nothing has been filed](https://federalprisondude.com/under-federal-investigation), that shit has its own page. Read it, and get a lawyer.

## Read first. Ask second.

Most of what lands in my inbox is already answered on this site (the search functionality sucks). There are calculators that do the sentencing math, a guide for every facility (and more coming), the Bureau's rulebook translated into regular talk.

### [The facility guide](https://federalprisondude.com/resources/federal-prisons)

How each prison actually runs, what the culture is like, and a blank where I don't know.

### [Support groups](https://federalprisondude.com/resources/bop-federal-prison-support-groups)

The Facebook groups mostly run by spouses and moms, by facility. The best intel about any specific prison lives here.

### [Time calculator](https://federalprisondude.com/resources/federal-prison-release-date-calculator)

The only thorough calculator for how long they'll actually serve with a breakdown of good time, FSA credits, jail credit.

### [PATTERN calculator](https://federalprisondude.com/resources/bop-pattern-score-calculator)

The risk score that decides whether FSA credits apply at all; the same one as the BOP's own internal system.

### [Annotated program statements](https://federalprisondude.com/resources/bop-program-statements)

The BOP's own rulebook with the rules that matter, translated into plain boring English.

### [The glossary](https://federalprisondude.com/resources/federal-prison-slang-and-terms)

Slang and not-so-slang, A&O (the disorienting first days of intake) through UDC (the unit-level hearing for minor write-ups). Know the words so you don't sound so square.

[Browse all the resources](https://federalprisondude.com/resources)

## Two ways to get answers.

I write down everything I can, but you'll have questions I haven't covered. Two ways to get them answered.

Just ask

Option one

### Ask me anything

You email a question. I answer it. Crazy concept.

- Ask anything and I'll answer it within reason. No intake form, no phone call, no money.
- Answers come from a _dude_ who did it, not from a subscription to a legal database or lawyer.
- I don't give legal advice, because I'm not a lawyer. If I don't know, I'll tell you I don't know. I may not know.

Again, I don't offer legal advice. I'm not a lawyer and won't pretend.

[Ask me anything](https://federalprisondude.com/contact)

Limited Basis

Option two

### Paid consults

Scheduled times, Zoom, and my full attention.

- If you're on the outside, I'll provide tips and tricks (This is not material relating to acquiring contraband.) that you won't ever get on a public website.
- If you need it, I'll provide my app for managing character references for sentencing, halfway house, etc.
- If you're pre-setencing, I offer sentencing prep and PSR (the report that follows someone the whole sentence) review (shit follows you around for a decade).
- Self-surrender planning: what to bring, what happens, what to tell people.
- Designation (which prison someone's assigned to), RDAP (a drug program that can cut up to a year), First Step Act credits (time off earned through programming), halfway house strategy.

There's limited availability right now. You can always ask me anything.

[How consults work](https://federalprisondude.com/federal-prison-consultant)

**In short:** free gets you an answer. Paid gets you resources. If your question has a simple answer, I'm not going to make it transactional.

## Your loved one can ask me directly via TRULINCS.

Someone inside one can email me from TRULINCS using a dedicated email address to avoid problems at the facility. You can get a copy of every email, unless your loved one asks me to keep one private (their privacy comes first, sorry).

[How Insider Tools works](https://federalprisondude.com/insider-tools)

## I did time.

I'm not a former prosecutor, a retired BOP employee, or a "federal prison expert" with a podcast or TikTok following. I was in every part of the federal prison lifecycle, and I still report to the system

I'm not a lawyer, and nothing here is legal advice. What I have is the stuff lawyers can't tell you because they've never been inside: what the first week and the first month feels like, what commissary (the prison store) actually looks like, how the system screws up FSA credits and what to do about it (hint: it's not filing), and which rules get enforced and which ones are theater.

While you're here: read [what "consultants" selling legal work are actually selling](https://federalprisondude.com/resources/paying-a-non-lawyer-for-legal-work), and [why nobody can get you into the facility of your choice](https://federalprisondude.com/resources/can-you-choose-your-federal-prison). Even if you never email me, don't pay those people.