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5 pages for “can my kids visit me”

1. Visiting probably this
   For the one waiting / faq
   • Bringing kids > Can I bring the kids?

     They have to be approved like anyone else, and a birth certificate is often required. They stay with you throughout. Some visiting rooms have a children's area and some do not. Ask before you plan around one.

   • Bringing kids > Should I bring the kids?

     If the child wants to come. Not to make them feel better. The kids section takes that apart properly.

   • Getting approved > Can I visit if I'm not family?

     Yes, within limits. Friends and associates can be approved, though the list is usually capped and non-relatives generally need to have known them before they were incarcerated. Clergy and attorneys sit outside the regular list. The rules...

2. Kids maybe this
   For the one waiting / faq
   • Whether they come > How do they stay in contact between visits?

     Letters, and it is worth making a ritual of it — pencil or pen on plain paper, because crayon and marker come back. A drawing a week does more than people think. Their calls, which the children can share. Messages go through your account...

   • Whether they come > Should they visit?

     Observed Watched from my side of the table, over a year and a half: yes, if the child wants to, and never to make them feel better. The visits that went well were the ones where the kid had been asked and said yes. The ones that went...

   • What to tell them, whether to tell the school, whether they should visit, and whether this damages them. Where this comes from I did the time. I did not do the waiting, and they are not the same job. Answers below tagged Observed are...

3. Visiting maybe this
   For the one waiting / guide
   • Children

     They have to be on the approved list like anyone else, and a birth certificate is often required. They must stay with you. Some visiting rooms have a children's area and some do not. Bring a child if the child wants to come. Do not bring...

   • Physical contact

     A brief embrace and kiss at the beginning and end of the visit. Hand-holding above the table during, at most facilities. Seating is assigned and you do not move it. Officers will end a visit over contact violations, and they will not...

   • The visit itself

     The first one is harder than either of you expects. They will look different. The room is loud, fluorescent, and full of other families having the same conversation. Neither of you will say what you planned to say. It gets substantially...

4. Visiting Regulations long shot
   Tools and rules / program statements

   • the next tier down. The word "spouse" includes a common-law relationship that has been previously established in a state that recognizes such a status. In states that do not, a common-law relationship is not considered "immediate...

5. Family and visits long shot
   For the one going in / faq
   • Getting people in > When can my family visit?

     Depends on the facility. It is in the handbook, and the approval process takes weeks, so start it before you go. Days, hours, and how crowded the room gets vary enormously by institution — the facility guide tracks it per place. The...

   • What they get told > Will my kids be okay?

     Mostly it depends on the adults around them. Kids do better when they are told the truth in a way that fits their age and kept in contact. Cover stories collapse, and the collapse is worse than the truth would have been. The hard ones

   • Getting people approved, what your kids should be told, and what happens when someone dies while you are in. The visiting room

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