The head stuff
The part with the fewest procedures and the most weight. Stay busy is not a cliche here. It is the entire method.
There is only really one
How do I not lose my mind?
Copy linkStay busy.
How do I do time without counting days?
Copy linkStay busy and accept reality.
What do I do when I get bad news and can't do anything about it?
Copy linkFind a way to get busy.
This is the answer to three different questions on this page and it is not laziness on my part. It is the only lever you have, and the men who did their time worst were the ones who kept looking for a better one.
What do people do all day, really?
Copy linkJust about anything to stay busy. I played basketball as much as I could, walked the track, and helped people.
The dominant experience is not danger. It is boredom and repetition, and your time is the long version of what a year of that does to a person.
Does it get easier?
Copy linkYes, over time. Find a routine and find things to do.
The questions I am worst at
How do I handle it if my wife or girlfriend leaves?
Copy linkTry not to burn all your phone minutes stressing about it.
That sounds cold and it is the most useful thing I know. The calls do not fix it, they cost you the contact you have left with everyone else, and the month ends either way.
What if I get depressed?
Copy linkPut in for psychology and understand what you are going to get, which is a PsyD once a month at best and medication that is hard to come by. The medical section is the honest version.
Then do the unglamorous things, because they are what actually carry people: a job that fills the day, a standing time on the track, a routine you keep whether or not you feel like it, and contact with someone outside on a schedule rather than when you are at your lowest.
If it goes past that — if you are thinking about hurting yourself — tell staff. Say the words. The response is clumsy and it is a response, and there is no version of that where waiting is better.
People ask me this and I do not have a good answer for it. I know it is common, because it comes up constantly in my inbox. I do not know what to tell you to do about it, and I am not going to pretend otherwise.
If you know the answer to this one, send it to me and I will write it up and credit nobody, which is how everyone seems to prefer it.
Yes. That much I can tell you. Everything past that — where, in front of whom, what it costs you socially — I have not written down in a way I would stand behind yet.
If you know the answer to this one, send it to me and I will write it up and credit nobody, which is how everyone seems to prefer it.
While you're in
These are the answers. The guide is the reasoning underneath them: the role, cars, the unwritten rules, debt, information, staff, conflict, the economy, and doing the time.
Hand the rest of this site to your family
You will not be able to look things up once you're inside. They can, and this is where: everything written for the one waiting — a twelve-part guide to mail, visiting, money, and your release date, plus their own FAQ and checklist. Alongside it, a guide to every facility with email alerts when visiting stops, the support group directory, calculators for your release math, and free answers when they have questions.
Send them the link before you report, not after they can't reach you.
These pages cover the general rules. Your situation has details they don't. Email me a question. Answers are free, and "you don't need to pay anyone for this" is my most common answer.
I answer in the order received, usually within a couple of days. I have a day job. If your situation genuinely needs more than an email, I take a limited number of consults, so say so and we'll work it out.
If this answered something, it'll answer it for someone else too.